I read recently that the average age of first-time mothers nationwide has reached 25 years old. Just a few decades ago, in 1970, the mean age was 20, and this statistic is one of the underlying changes that have given rise to the trend in social science over the last few years to define the age from 18 to the mid-20's as "emerging adulthood". Emerging adulthood can be thought of as adolescents entering into adult life of career, relationship, children, and independence slowly rather than all at once.
But this is a new trend which has been considered really only the last 20 or so years. As the numbers show, just a few decades ago the great majority of people settled down much earlier, started having kids at 20.
Like my mom. She was 19 when I was born.
Growing up alongside your mother means that the sitcoms on TV never rang true. I never had a June Cleaver or Carol Brady mom. All through the 1970's, Mom was a bleach blonde who wore halter tops and other groovy stuff. I had friends whose parents watched Lawrence Welk and listened to Neil Diamond, but I was more likely to hear Styx, Lynyrd Skynyrd, or the Eagles on the stereo.
I'm pretty sure ours was the only VW bus pulling up to Opelika Junior High to drop me off in the mornings.
Being only barely into adulthood herself meant that Mom was still finding her way, and maybe this explains why she was easy to get along with. Instead of being set in her ways, she was willing to see both sides of an issue. Instead of being authoritarian, she was good at listening. Sometimes I think we figured out what we were doing as we went, because she never acted as if she had all the answers. If I have to be honest, I probably acted like I knew everything more than she did.
I and my brothers got a pretty good deal, a mother that listened to us, supported us, and didn't pass judgement on us all the time. As I got older and had kids of my own (erm, my own firstborn came when I was 19, by the way) I realized how easy she made it look.
When you are in your early 20s and trying to find your place in the world and figure out just where you fit in, life can be chaotic. Add kids to this chaos? That's a crash course in learning patience. And wisdom. And sleeplessness...
Mom just retired last year, and I am looking forward to some of the benefits of that. I'm looking forward to flying her out here to Texas to hang out for a week or two with us. We can sit around the kitchen table after dinner telling the same old stories over a cup of coffee, look at old photo albums, and watch all the chick flicks we want. Since we moved to Texas a few years ago, our visits have dwindled to just a couple a year, and we have some catching up to do.
Happy Mother's Day, Mom. That card I put in the mail doesn't say half as much as it should about how much I appreciate and love you.
They never do.
