The only problem with that is, they will often tell you exactly what you asked. Why wouldn't they? We adults have constructed a protective shelter under which we huddle; for middle schoolers, it is still under construction. With each passing year, I have had to learn to narrow my prompts in order to protect their privacy. So now, I try to keep to a safer topic like "What was your favorite vacation" or "Tell me about a class when nothing went as planned."
One of those essays is how I found out that Elena's worst day was when her mom was arrested for driving on drugs with a car full of children (her own and a few others) and consequently lost custody of them after trying to stab the policeman that pulled her over. Also how I found out that she and her sister had been split up into separate foster families. How her mom had ultimately gone to prison for half-a-dozen charges.
Elena had a long series of "worsts".
She had been fortunate enough to land, under the foster system, with a devoted family who really cared about her. Over two years of contact with her foster mom, I grew to respect and appreciate her fierce love and concern for her new daughter. Elena, quiet and tentative, took refuge in reading fantasy novels, and her mom fed her love for books with monthly shopping trips for the latest in sword and sorcery. She also set up lots of visits with the other sister, which were particularly precious to Elena.
Elena, despite her newfound security, was constantly apprehensive that her newfound life would collapse. She underwent therapy, and also joined a school group for anxious students that met weekly joined by a counselor. Most dear to me, she also joined the anti-bullying group as well as signing up as a buddy to a special needs student.
One morning I was shocked to see her enter the class in tears, with news that she had a court date for that afternoon. Since her language skills were still very low, it took some time for to explain that her new mom had told her that they were meeting with the judge about the foster arrangement.
Since she had been bounced from foster to foster several times, this meant to her that she was to be returned to the system for another family again. She had frozen with fear when she heard the news, and not dared ask her mom what it meant.
I suggested she call her mom to ask her about the court appointment, and sent her with a pass to the counselor's office to make her call in privacy. The counselor encouraged her to ask for explanation, then left her alone in the office to make her call. A scant minute later, she was jolted by loud shrieking and crying and rushed into the room. Elena was shouting the news that she was to be adopted, and the meeting was in service of that end. Shedding tears upon tears of elation and relief, she ran back to the room with news.
Waiting and worrying and hoping I had been. My troubled heart soared, my throat closed with a lump that threatened tears of my own, and my face broke into relief and elation.
Elena spent two years in my classroom, and I was fortunate to see her gain confidence and skill with her English. I was even more encouraged to see her development into a mentor to others, especially the bullied and the friendless.
If only all of our fears proved to be unfounded, and the blackest news we dream would prove to be joyous!
I hope I always have the faith to wait a while until events prove out and the courage to ask hard questions that I am afraid to hear the answers to.....
