Back to basics

     "Hidden grace and power."
     That was a phrase from my priest's sermon this morning. A phrase that really resounded with me, since it dovetails neatly with my thoughts these last couple of weeks.

     I've been thinking about my blog, about the title "Living in Gratitude", and wondering if I really do that. It is a constant struggle to remain in a state of readied anticipation and awareness. Too many times my hectic day, filled as it is with busywork and hustle, keeps me from listening to the still tranquil voice inside my heart that accompanies my sense of connection and community. Too many times I forget to appreciate the small wonders of each day, of orangy-pink sunrises and unexpected smiles and wagging tails and stirring music and brisk breezes. Too many times I rush from bullet point to checkpoint to stopping point and forget that the sweetness is in the journey and not in the destination.

     Living in gratitude is exhausting, because it forces me to be aware of what is going on around me. I must step outside of the humdrum boundaries of temporal existence and step into deliberate awareness and thankfulness. It is Kairos time, different from normal Chronos or simple chronological time in that it is the time of opportunity or special purpose. God's time, even.
     It's just like going to the gym. When I go to the gym, I am astounded at how good I feel from the rush of endorphins post-workout. How I walk out feeling like I am taking continent-spanning strides with my head in the clouds and my heart pounding in my ears. The aftereffect is so powerful and so transformative that there is NO REASON not to go and work out and experience that same rush every day for the rest of my life.
     But normal life comes in. The gym is too far away, traffic is a hassle. It's too late to go today, tomorrow is a new day. It's too cold to get out. Too rainy. Too hot. I have to get dinner on the table. I have a million other things to do.

     Looking for and realizing the true face of reality and the work of God in my life is the same way. When I hold myself open to listening and feeling and experiencing and thinking, of drinking deeply from the well of thankfulness, I am transformed and moved to a deeper connection with all who surround me. I see anew that although I am just a small cog in the universe's machinery, I have been rewarded far beyond my due. Humbling and empowering all at the same moment, it is a moment of true spiritual communion.
     But just like working out, it is difficult to achieve without deliberate effort. Normal life comes in. There is no time to sit down and think or pray or meditate. I have too much else to do, I'm tired or stubborn or resentful toward someone for imagined slights.

     So I think the answer is to look, as Father Jim said, for "hidden grace and power". A fellow named Benjamin Hoff wrote an engaging book called The Tao of Pooh, that encourages one to avoid the over-analysis of Owl and the pessimism of Eeyore, and follow the example of Pooh. Pooh is not very clever, but Pooh has a calm and transcendent demeanor because he "just is".
      “A clever mind is not a heart. Knowledge doesn't really care, wisdom does.” 

     I try to remind myself to look for hidden grace and power in everything around me. I remind myself to slow down and pay attention to what is on the side of the road as I pass as well as the destination of my journey. I remind myself that I am not a destination but a journey, that I am not complete but can and should and must change and grow every day. That I can and should and must make mistakes on the way to where I am going.
    
     Living in Gratitude depends upon deliberately seeking whenever I can for that which is as evident as my reflection in the mirror or as unconscious as the pulse of my heart. As often as I can, I recapture my sense of childlike wonder and overflowing emotion as I "count my blessings."

     And it certainly doesn't hurt to sit down and ask myself as often as I remember to....

    ...how would Pooh see my world?