In planning for my brother Shawn's upcoming 40th birthday this month, my sister-in-law Amy sent out emails and Facebook messages last month, asking for stories or memories or messages for or about him. For once, I've been at a loss for words.
The old stories of things Shawn did as a kid have been rehashed over family get-togethers for the last 30 years, and most only serve to embarrass or anger him. What do you say to entertain, amuse, or enlighten other than the same old tired tales of cute mispronunciations or adolescent mischief which have been brought up time and again?
There are 6 years separating us in age, so when I moved out of the house to go to college Shawn was only 12. I'm pretty sure he was a snot-nosed punk kid full of bravado, and I know I was an arrogant know-it-all full of myself. We always spent a lot of time playing together; before the advent of video games, we played outside more often than not, a frantic mismash of activity and hooliganism. Baseball. Football. Fighting.Frisbee. Tree-climbing.Fighting. Running through the woods. Making war on each other with rocks and sticks and anything at hand.
I went away to school at first, 700 miles away. New challenges. New friends. New way of life, on my own and making my own decisions. I was BUSY my first quarter at college, in a whirlwind of momentum that seemed never to cease. Who could think of a brother back at home at a time like that?
So when he wrote me a letter, it was a bolt out of the blue. I remember it was a simple letter, I wish I still had it. Real jokey, I could hear his voice as I read it. I had become pretty fanatical about the Who, and he asked me to record him a cassette tape and mail it home, since I had taken all my albums and tapes to school. As I said, the letter was simple, maybe a couple of pages of what he had been doing, but it opened up an aching homesickness in me.
I put on hold everything I was doing to make that cassette tape for him. I made the PERFECT mix tape, a balanced blend of popular and obscure, of hard-edged raw rock and sweeping magnificent artistic composition. I even put it on one of my expensive high-quality blank tapes, and put it in the mail. The. Very. Next. Day.
Maybe the impact that your brothers make on you is not evident when you are there every day, going through the normal routines and drama and fights and reconciliations. Maybe the impact only comes when you get out of the forest and really look at the trees you have taken for granted. Maybe the impact of those thousands of casual interactions are only visible with enough time or distance between.
Happy 40th Birthday, Shawn!
Wonderful.
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