Playing favorites?

    People have favorite cars, favorite brands of beer, even favorite movies and favorite days of the week. We tend to quantify, measure, and compare everything from days of the week to breeds of cat. So with something as important as kids, how can you NOT have a favorite kid? I mean, sure you love all of them, and they are all precious to you, and all that. I get it. But it is just natural that one of your kids be more like you-or less like you, as the case may be. And with different memories in common than the others. So, just like most of you who just won't admit it, I do have a favorite child...
     My oldest child, Pamela, was born when I was only 20, so she holds a dear place in my heart of the child with whom I grew up. Stacey and I really learned as we went with Pam, everything was new and chaotic and astonishingly moving. First steps, first words...first tantrum, first school detention. I spent so many years as a young room parent at her schools-since I worked mainly nights as a restaurant manager, I could spend days as a field trip chaperone and room father. Pam and I, we spent so much time and so many precious memories together. While I was figuring out how to be an adult, she taught me what it takes to be a dad. She learned about the Cure and the Smiths from me, and I learned about Barney and the Little Mermaid from her. She is the oldest child, just like me, and she quickly became dependable and mature with her brother and sister, almost a deputy parent, just like me. We are so alike-she also had a child at 20, and when Marley was born, we found yet another thing we had in common-juggling young parenthood and life and responsibility at a time of life when most of your friends are still partying every night. How could I NOT make a favorite of a child who is SO like me?
     Which brings me to my son, Andrew. He is so funny, so unabashed, and such a natural in social groups. He never meets a stranger, and he works a room better than any politician I have ever seen. From working in soup kitchens and church functions in Florence while he was in school, he found that he has a way with people; old ladies in particular take a real shine to him. Of all my kids, Andrew is the one about whom I have the most stories, of things said and done that just amaze, amuse, and astound everyone we know. Playing golf with me when he was about three, he was troubled by our golf partner's lack of a left arm. "Dad, he doesn't have one of his arms. How is he gonna hit the ball?" he asked in a loud stage whisper. Horrified at this lack of discretion, I tried in vain to shush him, to no avail-after two or three more repetitions of this line of query, he jumped out in front of us, pointed right to the fellow, and yelled "But, Dad, look!! He has no arm!! Dad!! How is he gonna hit the ball!!??" My mortification has fueled retellings of this episode at family gatherings for almost 20 years now. He loves to talk to people, is generous and helpful and extremely sentimental, just like me. How could I NOT make a favorite of a child who is SO like me?
    Sarah, my youngest, is younger than Andrew by 5 years and Pam by 10. As the baby of the family, she was fortunate enough to come into her own when we had more patience, more money, and more wisdom. We have called her "The Littlest Camper" many a time, and the whole family loves the stories of her bringing wildly inappropriate items like a three-foot stuffed animal as well as a camp chair for said bunny to our trips. She is known for not arguing or pitching a fit, for simply going ahead and doing what she wanted to anyway without even discussing it. Of all the kids, she is the one who excels in school because she is driven to do so, rather than to satisfy a rewards-based system. She gets pissed off at poor grammar and by fellow students who interfere with what she sees as her serious work. She speaks fluent sarcasm, and has a very dry sense of humor, just like I do. How could I NOT make a favorite of a child who is SO like me?
     So there is my big confession. I know it is wrong to pick out a child as your favorite-why, it will probably warp all of them. But how in the name of common sense can you NOT ally yourself more strongly with the one who is more like you in personality or circumstance? I know that I grew up with two brothers, and I am firmly convinced that my Mom played favorites when we were growing up. I am definitely her favorite child, sorta like Adam and Shawn are.
    I have not exactly discussed this in certain terms with her, but I am pretty convinced that my stance on this issue is shared by Stacey. She, of course, is my favorite wife.